Monday, December 13, 2010

The first Black Master: Part 4

Up until i went home with this Black Man all of my sexual experiences had been in the front or back seats of cars (not counting the solo one's with me jerking off). i would meet a guy in a bar, go out to the parking lot with him and give him a blow job. Then i would go home, with the taste of cum still fresh in my mouth, and jerk off with a copy of Drummer magazine, fantasizing about bondage and slavery. i was intrigued and curious about Black men, but i had not fantasized about them as my Master.

When i met the Black Man in the bar and agreed to leave with Him, i was prepared for another blow job in a car, and excited about sucking my first Black Cock. i was not aware that i would be receiving my initiation into the world of superior Black Men and what it's like to be dominated and to be used by a Black Master.

To say that i was not expecting to find my self hog-tied and gagged on the bedroom floor of a Black Master's home is an understatement. i know i drifted off to sleep, for how long i do not know. When i woke up it was still dark in the room, but i could see a little light between the drawn shade and the window frame. It was dawn outside. Everything ached. The plug in my hole itched. my lips were dry and my neck hurt. i didn't like this. i started to struggle and grunt and groan. i abandoned the idea of  not disturbing Him. i wanted out. i continued with my struggling, when i heard Him shift on the bed. In the darkness i heard His voice "shut up faggot, or I'll come over there and kick the shit out of you". Then i heard him rollover and the bed creaked and then He was quiet. i stopped my struggling and just listened to the sound of His breathing.

Two things i should mention. First of all i was asked by someone how i remember all of this. it happened a long time ago. There are two reasons. First of all, it was my first time, and this Black Master made an impression on me that I have never forgotten. Second of all, i remember it pretty well because about 6 months after it happened, i wrote it all down for my anthropology professor. i'll explain about why i was telling my college professor about my first sexual experience in another post. But suffice to say, the act of writing it all down left me with a pretty clear memory of the events. i am being careful to not embellish it and make it read like a porn story. The experience and the things this Black Master introduced me to are true.

The other thing i should mention is how he talked to me. He was stern and commanding. His voice told me He wouldn't take any shit. i have always been attracted to authority figures and the way he spoke to me let me know he would brook no nonsense or back talk. The same thing was communicated the few times He hit me to get my attention. They were real slaps, meant to snap me back in line right away. There was also a tone of both contempt and affection (if that is possible) in His voice when he used terms like faggot, bitch, etc. When he yelled at me from the bed it was like He was yelling at a dog, not another human being.

And His yelling at me like that, the sound of His voice and the word "faggot" turned me on all over gain. my white boy cock tried to get hard, but was still bound up in the jock. i fell asleep lightly humping the floor and feeling horny all over again.

The next time i awoke it was light in the room. The sun was shining bright through the crack between the shade and the window sill. He was kicking me to wake up. He worked on the ropes connecting my ankles and He freed them. He helped me get to my knees and I was looking right at His beautiful, erect Black Cock. A wave of something came over me as i looked at it. He helped me to my feet and i kept my head down. i was mesmerized by His Cock and could not stop looking at it.

He led me to the bathroom and if i wasn't so clueless i would have known what was coming next. On the way He asked if i was thirsty and i nodded. When we got to the bathroom He had me kneel on the floor. He undid the jock from my head and pulled it from my mouth. He grabbed me by the back of the neck and forced my head into the toilet bowl. i resisted and struggled and tried to pull away. The water was slightly tinted from the piss He took the night before, but that had hardly crossed my mind. It was just the act of drinking from the toilet i resisted. i had never fantasized about anything like this. i pulled away and that's when he hit me hard, with a backhanded slap across the face. i fell backwards and he grabbed my head with both hands and held me. He called me a white piece of shit, faggot, bitch. He said that i came into his house with all these white boy fantasies about being a slave and He was going to show me the real thing. He said whitey had no idea what slavery was. That if i was going to be a slave it was going to be all the way. He said i could resist and struggle all i wanted, but He wasn't letting me go until he was done with my faggot ass. i was going to like everything he did to me and beg Him for more by the time He was through. He was going to train me to be a Black Man's bitch for real. And if i pleased Him He would give you some more of this Black Cock you keep looking at.

I remember  half kneeling, half cowering on that bathroom floor like it was yesterday. His strong Black hands on both sides of my head. His stern, low commanding voice right in my face. my wrists bound i felt so helpless and i just knew i had to do what he wanted me to do. And he was right, even as He was yelling at me, my eyes would dart to His Cock which was now fully erect, the pink tip out from the foreskin, It looked huge and massive to me. It was amazing looking. i could not help looking at It. i was drawn to it. i wanted His Black Cock.

He helped me to my knees and i shuffled to the toilet and lowered my head. i barely let my lips touch the water and took a sip. it really had no taste, just water. He gave me a shove with his leg and told me to drink. The shove caused me to shift my balance and my whole face went into the water. He just laughed as i pulled it out and told me to start drinking. As i did i felt the first warm drops and then the steady stream on the back of my head. He was pissing on me. The hot stream ran down my head and face and started landing in the toilet. He told me to keep drinking as I saw the dark yellow piss begin to color the water. i could begin to taste it too.

He grabbed me by the hair and pulled my head up. Now He was pissing on the side of my face. i shut my eyes so has not to get piss in them and while i was doing this He shoved His Cock into my mouth. i started to sputter and fight but he ordered me to swallow so I did. It was not anything like i was expecting. i guess i was expecting it to taste the way it smelled, but it didn't. It was hot and kind of salty and had a flavor my more experienced mouth would describe as fresh morning piss. i swallowed. i did not want to get hit again. besides i was distracted by having His Cock in my mouth. That felt so good. Soon He was controlling the flow, letting it fill my mouth till i swallowed and then more until His bladder was drained into my belly.

He ordered me up and into the tub and then back onto my knees. He pulled the shower curtain closed. He asked if i had to piss and when i nodded yes He told me to piss kneeling in the tub. It took a moment to get started with Him watching, i was pee shy, but then the flow started, soaking the pouch of my jock, that was still bound and encased my cock and balls. As i pissed He turned on the cold water. He laughed when i shouted and tried to get out of the way of the shower spray. He pushed me into it until i was soaked and shivering with cold. He turned off the cold and then reset the knobs and soon I felt hot water. He stepped into the shower so my face was directly looking at His Cock. He told me to start licking It as He began to soap up. The water was running down His body and on to me and i had my face buried between His legs. i was licking His Cock and Balls and taking them in my mouth. He was full and hard and thick and i could barely get a third of it into my mouth. I licked the shaft up and down and made love to His Black Cock.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Micheal Mandel

i had never heard of actor Micheal Mandel before. He makes his first appearance as Cleavon in the new film I Love You Philip Morris. He is a prisoner who has the cell next door to Philip Morris. As a custodian he passes notes back and forth. He only has a small role in the film, but i was mesmerized by him. When he calls Philip a faggot and tells him to shut up in a strong, commnading voice my white boy dick got hard.

Since 50% of the film is set in prison there are multiple glimpses of big, muscular Black actors playing prisoners and that made the price of admission worth it. In addition the film was pretty funny.

Earl Maynard

The movie The Deep comes out on Blu-Ray this week. i saw this movie in 1977 with a bunch of friends. The big interest was Jaqueline Bissett and the wet t-shirt scene. That was the big interest for my friends. While watching the movie my breath was taken away by Barbados actor and professional wrestler Earl Maynard.


Maynard played Ronald, the right hand man and muscle for the films vilian, Cloche, played by Louis Gossett, Jr., another stunningly handsome Black Man. Maynard wore tight jeans and tops that acentuated every muscle of His body. He was amazing to look at. i remember getting an erection while watching the movie. i went back to see it multiple times without my friends just to look at these amazing Black Men.




Aside from Louis Gossett Jr. and Earl Maynard the film also featured Dick Anthony Williams and Bob Minor, two other handsome Black Men. Unfortunately, like many Hollywood movies at the time, the Black Men were cast as villians. The Deep is a favorite film from my youth and Earl Maynard is a maginificent Black Man to be worshipped.


Friday, December 3, 2010

The first Black Master: Part 3

i am sorry for taking so long to get back to the blog, but work is busy this time of year. i noticed last time i wrote about this how easy the memories came flooding back. This unknown Black Man had such an influence on me and between Him, and my college professor (more about Him later) they essentially defined my sexual identity for the rest of my life. These two superior Black Men took a white boy's unformed ideas and molded them into a slave that worships the Black Master.

At the end of my last entry i left off with me tied to the bed after i had just been fucked for the first time.
i had no clue what time it was, the early hours of the morning, i guessed. my head was spinning from the poppers and the orgasm i had. When He started untying my ankles i relaxed because i thought He was releasing me, now that He had cum. But He wasn't done with me yet. After my ankles were free He directed me to climb up on to the bed. Once on it, i was laying on my stomach with my wrists still bound behind me. In a few moves He had my ankles tied together and then pulled them up and tied them to my wrist so i was hog-tied. i grumbled through the gag, complaining, but got nothing more than a slap on the ass.

He climbed on the bed and leaned against the headboard. He spread His legs on each side of me and now i was looking directly at His Cock and Balls between His spread legs. He ordered me to scoot myself up so my face was up close to His Cock. His Cock was no longer erect but it was still full, and thick, and powerful looking. He pulled the jockstrap from around my head and out of my mouth and i made the mistake of speaking, asking to be let loose. He slapped me really hard across the side of my face and then shoved the jock back in.

i don't remember the exact words He used but He told me I was not to speak without permission. He talked about the magazines with all the circles around the slave adds, and told me i was going to find out what being a slave meant. slaves obey, He told me. They speak when they are spoken too. He asked me if i understood and when I nodded he took the jock out and told me to take His Cock in my mouth. i did as i was told, and the moment it was in my mouth i forgot about wanting to be untied. It felt wonderful in my mouth. i realize now the taste was a combination of His Cum, my ass, spit and sweat, but then it just tasted like Cock. It was thick and full; the world's best pacifier. There i was, mouth filled with Black Cock, hogtied between a Black Man's legs, ass plugged, my head turned and resting on his thigh so i could look up at Him. my cock was still bound in the jockstrap and it was already hard again. So hard that is started grinding it into the bed while squeezing the plug, kinda trying to masturbate from the inside.

When He saw my grinding He laughed. He reached into the nightstand and took out a joint and lit up. He also had the bottle of beer from the 7-11 and he took a swig. He was gettin' His buzz back on. He started talking about how white boys love Black Cock. He made a comment about my eyelashes and how long and pretty they were, which embarrassed me. He talked about how once white boys get Black Cock they never want anything else. He said all white boys know "the darker the meat, the sweeter the treat" which has stayed in my mind ever since. He talked about how all whites secretly crave Black Cock and i was one of the lucky ones. He kept talking as He smoked and drank and His Cock started to fill out. i started to try and suck it but He grabbed my head and told me to stop. Just let it stay there. He said my mouth was a holster for Black Cock. It was getting thicker and filling my mouth and i was beginning to struggle with it and he grabbed my head and held the bottle of poppers under my nostril and had me breathe in and out a number of times. the buzz began immediately and i relaxed and His Cock went in deeper and just filled my mouth. I suddenly realized I had to breathe through my nose. He was talking softly, calling me a bitch and a hungry faggot, saying how good it felt. There were more poppers and I was in this place of ecstasy a full thick Black Cock in my mouth trying to go down my throat, in real bondage, a plug in my hole, under this Black Man's control. The fact that i am a popper pig is the responsibility of this Black Man!



i looked cross-eyed so i could see the rest of His Cock going into my mouth. i could see the wiry, curly black hairs of His crotch. I could partially see His Balls hanging loosely in their sack. I followed a trail of hair as it ran up towards his navel. His chest wasn't hairy. He had an average build and a handsome face.

i couldn't resist and i started playing with the tip of His Cock with my tongue. Feeling the slit and the underside. Swirling and licking. It was such a wonderful thing to have in my mouth.

Before that night i knew my homosexuality was driven by my interest in cock. When i knew i was gay,
 i knew I was interested in cock. For some men it's ass, others it's biceps. Some are turned on by shoulders, or chest. For me it has always been an attraction to cock, which i guess sealed my fate to be submissive. But after that night i knew i was a cock slave. i loved cock and wanted to suck them. Touch them, hold them. Now i had discovered how it felt to be fucked and i knew i wanted more of that. And finally, my youthful curiosity about Black Men had changed into a desire to serve a Black Master. i didn't have these thoughts while i was laying there, bound, with a Black Cock in my mouth, but that was the outcome.

i guess the use of my tongue on His Cock aroused Him, because He woke and pulled His cock out of my mouth and went into the bathroom and i could hear Him pissing into the toilet. He came back in the room and looked at me, and i was looking at Him from my position on the bed. He walked toward me and i watched His Cock shift as He walked. it had my full attention. Keeping my eyes looking at His Cock seemed the natural thing to do. He grabbed my wrists and ankles and lifted. i was surprised that he actually lifted me off the bed, pivoted and then put me down on the floor. i opened my mouth to say something and then caught myself. He squatted down near my face and pinched my nose. i opened my mouth to breathe and in went the jock strap. He wrapped it around my head again and there i was bound and gagged, plugged, on His bedroom floor. He lifted my head and put a pillow under it and then told me to not make any noise or He would beat the shit out of me. He walked over and shut off the room light, then got into bed and the bedside light went out and the room was dark. i was scared again, starting to worry about how long He would keep me, but i was also excited. i was under His complete control. But most of all i was tired tired. It had been a long night, it must be close to dawn,plus there was the booze from earlier and the come down from the poppers making me drowsy and i drifted off.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

A Forgotten First Exposure.

i was reminded recently of a book i read when i was 16. It was a mainstream bestseller called The Money Changers by Arthur Hailey. He was a very popular fiction writer in the 60's. 70's and 80's. My mom read all his books and it was her copy that i picked up and read, not knowing that it would add to my already growing interest in Black Men.

The book itself is a classic melodrama pot-boiler of financial intrigue. But there is one character Miles Eastin who i always remembered.

He is sent to prison for embezzlement. Miles realizes he is the rare white guy among a population of black prisoners. Shortly after arriving in prison he is gang raped. After the rape he is helped by a man named Karl, described as "huge and black". Karl may have been among the gang that raped him, but Miles never knew.

The next day Karl sought Miles out in the yard and the exchange went like this:

"How y' feel kid?" Karl asked.


"Awful!" "Thanks for what you did." Miles answered.


"It's okay, kid. One thing, though, you gotta figure. One time, like yesterday ain't gonna satisfy them guys. They like dogs now, with you a bitch in heat. They'll be after you again."


"What can I do?"


What you need kid, is a protector. Some stud t' look out for you. How'd you like me for yours?"


"Why should you do that?"


"You start bein my reg'lar boy friend, I take care of you. Them others know you 'n me's steady, they ain't gonna lay no hand on you. They know they do, there's me to reckon with." Karl curled one hand into a fist; it was the size of a small ham.


Though he already knew the answer, Miles asked, "What would you want?"


"Your sweet white ass, baby." The big man closed his eyes and went on dreamily, "Your body just for me. Any time I need it. I'll take care of where."

Miles agrees to the proposition and later on this passage occurs:

The big man had declared he wanted, "Your sweet white ass, baby. Your body just for me. Any time I need it. Since their agreement, he had made the promise come true with an appetite which seemed insatiable.


At the beginning Miles tried to anesthetize his mind, what was happening was preferable to gang rape, which-because of Karl's instinctive gentleness-it was. Yet disgust and consciousness remained.


But what had developed since was worse.
Even in his own mind Miles found it hard to accept, but the fact was: he was beginning to enjoy what was happening between himself and Karl. Furthermore, Miles was regarding his protector with new feelings....Affection? Yes....Love? No! He dared not, for the moment, go that far. The realizations shattered him. Yet he followed new suggestions which Karl made, even when these caused Mile's homosexual role to become more positive.

Later on in the book, when Miles attempts to have sex with a woman and fails he recounts his days in prison. he tells of his "boyfriend" Karl and how Karl provided protection; the sharing of the big, black man's cell; the homosexual relationship and how he enjoyed it. he speaks of his ambivalent feelings about Karl, whose kindness and gentleness Miles still remembered with affection?...love? Later Miles is redeemed by the love and the kind words of woman and reverts back to "normal".

i find it interesting that even in mainstream fiction the white writer was fascinated with Black Male superiority and domination. He also knew his (mostly) white readers would be interested too. Because both white males and females have a conscious or unconscious interest in the Black Man's Cock and this was a way to titillate that audience.

In real life we know that Miles would never have gone back to his old life. Once broken and made into a Black Man's bitch a white guy will never go back. He needs to be dominated and serve the Black Man for the rest of his life. And he needs to worship Black Cock. Nothing else will ever be the same until he is fucked again by a superior Black Male. No white woman or white male will satisfy once you have been a Black Man's bitch. It is perfectly logical that any white male would fall in love with the dominant Black Man that owns him and uses him for His pleasure. It's to be expected. And superior Black Men know to take advantage of those feelings, to train white boys to be the best sex slaves they can be.

i remember reading this book and then jerking off many times. i always found the passages about Miles and then imagined what the "Big, Black Man" was doing to him. Fucking him. Training him to be a first class cock-sucker on a huge Black Cock. Turning Miles into an excellent fuckhole and cocksucker. But during my jerk off sessions i always imaged i was Miles.

i realize my journey to be enslaved by superior Black Men started much earlier than I thought. maybe i was born for this, it was my pre-ordained destiny.

Monday, October 18, 2010

The first Black Master: Part 2


Before I continue I should probably explain the combination of fear and excitement I felt. I think today we take BDSM for granted. We have terms such as Safe, Sane and Consensual. We have playgroups and meetings where people can go and explore. We have the Internet where you can learn everything about everything. Back in 1979 I didn’t have any of this. Back then you had magazines, bars and classifieds. You exchanged letters and then talked on the phone and then met for sex. I had been buying and reading as many issues of Drummer that I could get my hands on. In addition I looked for anything else BDSM related, whether straight or gay. I was exposed to the gamut of activities from whippings and spankings to fisting, water sports and more. A lot of it scared me but most of it excited me. In addition there was the fear of the crazy, the unknown psycho out there who preyed on guys through classifieds.

I remember reading about the Houston murders with great intensity. I read everything I could find in the newspapers and then read a non-fiction book on the subject. Of course part of it was an interest in the bondage aspects, but part of it was fear that if I explored bondage it could happen to me.

If you are not familiar with the Houston murders here’s a link:


So I had all these secret desires and I had kept them secret. But now not only were they exposed, but I had let a stranger tie my hands and make me helpless. Don’t let anyone tell you that danger is not an aphrodisiac cause I know that the fear mixed with my extreme horniness all combined to heighten the experience.

I had my head in his crotch and I was licking His Cock through the denim. I know he talked to me but I won’t pretend to remember what he said and I won’t try to replace it with stupid porn type dialogue. I just know that his hand on the back of my head and his voice propelled me to work hard. I wanted him to know how much I wanted to suck His Cock. To show you how naive I was the thought of Him fucking me had not even occurred to me. I thought I was still working on my agenda. As a slave I had a lot to learn.

He pushed my head away and started undoing the buttons on his jeans. I might as well have been a bitch in heat the way I was panting and kneeling there with my mouth open and my tongue hanging out. He was wearing a white jockstrap, which looked amazing contrasted against his beautiful black skin. He freed a large, beautiful Black Cock from the jock. It was thick and large and not even fully erect. He was wearing a black leather cockring. He stroked His Cock and asked me if I liked it. He made me beg for it. And I did. Eagerly. He let me suck it and I did a miserable job. I could barely get half of it in my mouth. And, sad to say I have a gag reflex, so I kept choking on it. But I wanted it so bad. I kissed it and licked it. In hindsight I realize that I would and could easily worship that Cock for the rest of my life.

He was getting frustrated with my piss poor cocksucking skills and he pushed me away. He called me names and I felt like a failure. I understood humiliation. He had me stand up and he compared my white dick to his Big Black Cock. His was almost twice as long and twice as thick as my useless white boy dick. He reached down to my pants and grabbed my jock. He held my elbows and helped me step into the jock and then he pulled it up and adjusted the straps. My white boy cock was covered. He grabbed a piece of cord off the bed in a quick minute he wrapped the cord around my cock and balls forming them into a nice tight pouch. My white boy dick was pressed down and curved tight against my balls. It was trying to be fully erect, so it hurt really badly. I had just been introduced to some minor CBT.

He led me over to the end of the bed. There was a small wooden footboard, slightly higher than the mattress. He had me lean against it. He forced me to spread my legs apart and then quickly tied each ankle to a bedpost.  He pushed me so I was bent forward over the footboard and my head was lying on the bed. He did something with another rope to my elbows that went to the headboard. Now there was tension and I could not straighten up. In this position my ass was raised slightly and spread with my hole exposed.



I jumped like a skittish colt when I felt his fingers touch my exposed asshole. We were now entering very new territory. I jumped and quivered at his touch. I heard him spit and felt the cold wetness land between my cheeks and his fingers gently rub it in. first one finger entered me then another. He commented about me being tight. He said things about virgin pussy and white boy cunt. I was uncomfortable with the feminine terms at first but it passed as I tried to lift my ass to meet his fingers. He laughed at how greedy I was and called me a whore and bitch. He made me beg for His Black Cock. I felt something else cold and wet and then suddenly he was in me. He shoved his Black Cock inside of me in one hard stroke and I screamed. I screamed bloody murder. I had never felt pain like that. He told me to shut up and he smacked my ass real hard and I yelled again. I started crying for him to take it out. It was to big and it hurt. He shoved it in more and then pulled it out part way and shoved it in again. I screamed again and kept begging. Finally he relented and pulled out. I was moaning but at least I thought I had survived. I had my eyes closed and had been biting the sheets with my teeth. He told me to look at him and I turned and did and there was blood on his cock. Not a lot, but it freaked me out. He laughed and told me he just took my cherry. I stated begging for him to release me, but he ignored me.

He went over to the closet and reached on the floor for something and came back with a jockstrap. Then picked the one up off the floor he had been wearing. I had my head turned so I could watch him and he reached over and pinched my nose. Of course my mouth popped open and he shoved in the pouch of the jock that had just been on his body. He put the waistband around my head, twisted it and put it around again. Now the elastic strap worked as a perfect gag keeping the pouch in my mouth. I started moaning and protesting for him to stop, but it was all muffled grunts and garbled crap. He slapped my ass and told me to shut up. Next he went to the nightstand by the bed and took something out. It was small bottle. I can tell you at this time I was totally unfamiliar with poppers. I saw the ads on the back of Drummer for them but I knew nothing about them. So I didn’t know what he was doing.

I watched him unscrew the bottle and hold the cloth part of the second jock to the mouth of the bottle. He tilted and let whatever it was soak into the cloth. I really started to panic now. I thought it was something like chloroform and he was going to drug me.

I was struggling and he told me to relax and he covered my nose with the pouch. I could already smell the poppers when he opened the bottle, but now I breathed in a heavy dose. I felt the warm flush and the tingling sensation. He was behind me again and I felt more wetness and then He was inside me again. This was different. This was wonderful. It was an incredible sensation. It hurt and yet felt so good at the same time. He was using slow deep strokes and it felt like I was being jerked off from the inside out. Then he would alternate by pulling almost all the way out and then plunging all the way back in again. I was moaning and groaning and lifting my cock to meet him. He talked a lot as he fucked me. About white boys needing big Black Cock, about once a white boy has Black Cock nothing else will ever satisfy them he talked about making me his bitch. It was very aggressive and very racial and I loved it. I couldn’t get enough of his Cock inside me. At some point he took the jock off my face and soaked it with more poppers and shoved it under my nose. I breathed in deeply getting the buzz and feeling my hole open up for him even more.

Suddenly I knew I was going to cum. I started moaning and bucking and started shooting loads from my bound cock into my jock. I guess my hole tightened as I came because he loved it and started fucking me harder and calling me a pussy and bitch. His strokes became deeper and faster and then he was moaning and he came inside of me.

When he pulled his Cock out it was one of the worst feelings I ever had. I felt so empty inside.  The feeling didn’t last because he went over to the dresser and then came back and a moment later he was shoving something up my ass. I had never used one before but I guessed it must be a butt plug. It felt good up there. Very natural.

To be continued...

The story of the first Black Master it served


As I have mentioned before I had a natural curiosity about Black Men. That began to become a sexual interest when I was in my teens. In addition there was the growing interests in BDSM. My interest in bondage started first. My older brother would tie me up when he was supposed to bay-sit me. I was 9 he was 12. He would tie me to a chair, or in a hog tie, or to the pole in the basement. Then he would go out and hang with his friends. About 30 minutes before my parents would get home he’d be back in the house releasing me and threaten to beat me up if I told. I never did. I kind of liked it.

Later on I discovered BDSM and slavery and submission and I was naturally drawn to it. I read about Master/slave relationships in Penthouse Forum when I was in my teens. I’d buy copies of Screw magazine (a newspaper rag) and read the ads for dominatrix’s in the back. But my sexual identity was forming and I began to understand I was gay and drawn to powerful men. When I was 15 the fantasies of being tied up and fucked began.

When I was alone in the house I would tie myself up as best I could. I had a souvenir miniature baseball bat from Shea Stadium and I would grease it up with Vaseline or lotion and insert it in my ass and fuck myself.. I experimented with ways to be in bondage and hump my old bed or the sofa in the basement. I jerked off thinking about bondage.

I found a book (one of those pulp porn paperbacks) about two young men who find a closeted older gay man and make him their slave. It featured hoods and gags, dildo’s fucking, cocksucking etc. It was a goldmine of information. It also let me know others thought the same way I did.

When I was 18 I took the train into NYC and went to the porn shops in Times Square. I bought my first dildo. I don’t remember it being a conscious choice but it was made of black rubber. I also discovered Drummer Magazine.

I would shove the dildo in my ass and put a dog collar I bought at the supermarket around my neck and lay on my bed and jerk off over the classifieds in the back. I would dream of answering these ads for slaves and becoming a slave. My head spun with the possibilities and wild fantasies.

I began making regular trips into the city to buy copies of Drummer.

When I was 18 I also had a car. I started going to the gay bars on Long island. The primary one I knew about was called Pal Joey’s.. In the beginning I was always a bit nervous. I didn’t understand cruising or what I should do. But at 18 I was young enough to attract attention without doing much. My third or fourth visit I got bold and went out to a car with a guy and sucked my first dick. I wasn’t very good at it. But I got better with practice. I liked sucking dick. I thought about cock a lot. When looking at porn I looked at the man’s cock. Some men like arms, some like ass. Some like shoulders some like chests. From an early age I knew I was liked cock. What I would learn is that I was born to be a cock slave. That worshipping a powerful Master’s Cock was the best thing in the world. But that would come later. For now I was enjoying being a cocksucker in parked cars.

I began to lead a double life. I would go out drinking with my straight friends till midnight and then tell them I had to go and then I would head straight to the gay bar to see if I could find a cock to suck before going home. I lived at home with my parents so I never thought about bringing some one home and I never accepted invitations to go home with someone. All my action was in parking lots.
That was my sex life up until the October 1979. Going to gay bars and giving blowjobs; and at home jerking off over BDSM fantasies with a dildo in my ass, a dog collar on my neck, and sometimes some self-bondage with ropes and stuff.

I found other gay bars to go to. A gay disco in Huntington, a gay bar called Thunders out in Suffolk County. And there was one near my house whose name I can’t remember. It was located on Sunrise Highway in Seaford. It was a big brown building and it was a gay dance club. I never went there because I was aware that a lot of the straight guys from school would drive by and yell things at the patrons and I didn’t want to take the chance of being seen.

In October of 1979, Columbus Day Weekend to be exact, my parents went away. They went up to New England on a trip too see foliage. My brother was away at school and I was left home alone. I was attending a local college. I was in my freshman year. It was Sunday night and I had been out with my friends, but I was horny and already planning on leaving them to go to a bar and see if I could find a cock to suck. But I couldn’t break away and it got later and later and it wasn’t till after 1 AM that I left them. I was in Massapequa and I didn’t have a lot of gas in the car and I didn’t have much cash, so I decided to take a chance and go to the dance bar in Seaford. I parked my car on the other side of Sunrise Highway, in the Long island rail road parking lot so it would not be noticed.

When I crossed over to the bar I was dismayed to see that the parking lot was empty. I went in anyway and saw that there was just one patron in the place. He was a black man. Memory is hazy but I would say he was mid thirties and my mind recalls a young Danny Glover when I think of him. He was sitting at the bar drinking. The bartender was cleaning and there was another guy sweeping and collecting bottles and glasses. Other than that the bar was deserted.

When I look back now it feels like destiny. My parents were away so I was accountable to no one. I had just the right amount of gas to get to this bar. I arrived at this particular moment when there were no other customers and except him and he was just getting ready to leave. It’s like I was supposed to be there at that time to be introduced to something that would become a life’s pursuit.

The bartender saw me and told me he was closing up. I was going to leave when the black guy spoke up. He said “hey let the boy have one drink”. “I’m buying”. I remember that he referred to me as boy. I didn’t think anything of it then, but no I just love thinking about it. I ordered a beer and went over to thank him. We exchanged pleasantries and I want to say his name was Bill, but I can’t be sure and before the night was over all I was calling Him was SIR.

We moved away from the bar and he made small talk about my school and job. While he was doing this he grabbed my hand and put it on his crotch. He had a rock hard mound under the denim 501’s he was wearing. The bartender called out that it was closing so we left. Turns out he was also parked in the same lot. He said that sometimes vandals damaged the cars in the bars parking lot. We crossed the street and he directed me to my car. We got in and again he put my hand on his crotch. I was shaking and trembling with excitement and he thought it was nervousness. He suggested another beer so I drove us to the nearby 7-11. I went in and bought a Budweiser quart for me, and a Ballantine Ale quart for Him. I remember the line was long with lots of folks buying beer and the counter guy asked for ID so I was in the store a fairly long time. When I came out he was sitting with two copies of Drummer magazine in his lap. He was leafing through one of them, reading all the classifieds I had circled with a red pen. And of course, every one of them was a Master seeking a slave!

He didn’t say anything; he just put the magazines down on the floor where they had been. They originally had been under the passenger seat and I am not sure how he found them, fate I guess. And he told me to drive back to his parked car.


I opened his beer and gave it to him and sipped mine. I was feeling very shy. This was a secret exposed. He asked about the magazines and I fumbled through a response. He seemed quiet and I thought he was disgusted or something. Finally I broke down and asked if I could suck His Cock. He grunted and told me no not here in the parking lot. He was too old for that. He said I should come back to his place. I was really nervous and tried to explain why I couldn’t but he kept shooting down my excuses. I mentioned the gas problem and right away he told me to drive a couple blocks over to the gas station and he gave me five bucks to put in the tank. We went back to his car and he asked for my wallet. He took it and looked at my driver’s license and noted my address. He told me I was going to follow Him to his place and if I dared to turn off he would come to my house and get me. He asked if I believed him and I said yes. My head was spinning. I was scared and nervous, yet excited and my dick was hard. I liked being given orders.

I followed him and we drove quite a bit to North Valley Stream. He parked on a side street and I parked behind him. I got out and followed him. It turned out he lived in an apartment above a store.

Upstairs He took me into the bedroom and told me to get undressed. I wish I could describe the place for you, but he didn’t turn on many lights and it’s a fairly hazy now. He sat on the bed looking at me. I was standing there with my hands behind my back and my dick sticking out. He told me to get on my knees. I did so and He went over to the dresser behind me. I heard drawers opening and closing and then He was behind me. He grabbed my wrist and I turned to look and He smacked the back of my head and said to keep my head down. With quick work my wrists were tied together with rope. He walked around in front of me and I saw he had more rope in his hands. He tossed it on the bed and sat down on the edge. He made me move forward on my knees until I was between his legs. He pulled my head forward and put it in His crotch and I started licking His Cock through his jeans. I was working feverishly. I wanted to suck His Cock so bad

To be continued.